A couple of days ago while in conversation with a friend about the #metoo movement and the crescendo of women’s voices revealing what they, nay we, have been tolerating for so long, she asked me,
“What exactly do you want for women?”
Well, if you know anything about me or about PROJECT2031, then you know my desire is to see women walk in the fullness of God’s plan and purpose for their lives. Whether you’re like my mother, who at the age of 79 has begun ministering in a local detention center, or like Lucretia Mott, a figure from the history books who agitated against slavery. We each deserve to meet the bridegroom with our lamps full and be able to say as Paul did . . .
I have fought a good fight. I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness. 2 Timothy 4:7-8
Yet the strength of forces arrayed against women who seek to live purpose and passion is immense. Whether in the home, the world or the church.
If you grew up like me, the idea that the things our pastors or husbands say could represent, not God’s plan for our lives, but an obstacle to God’s plan for us, is anathema. But the truth is that Satan is working overtime to keep women on a production-line, one-size fits all approach to Christianity that keeps women busy, but is rarely completely fulfilling.
So what do I want for women? Here’s a short answer.
Strength. Wisdom. Truth. Freedom.
Strengthen Your Arms
Regardless of how fascinating Shonda Rimes’ “Scandal” may be, pursed lips and flouncy hair do not a strong woman make.
Proverbs 31 teaches that real strength comes through action, not attitude. Or fancy handbags.
But most of what we see on television today is filled with ridiculous women living silly, ornamental and downright useless lives. From ‘Sex and the City’ to the ‘Real Housewives’ and ‘Girls’, we see women dressing well, living well and somehow achieving success with minimal effort. In truth, living lives that are more sloppy and foolish than any generation before, yet magically without repercussions.
And in the church? Jesus said a little leaven, leavens the whole loaf. But we’ve chosen to ignore the example of Jesus in favor of Paul’s later ‘explanations’. We’ve surgically removed the backbone from the Proverbs 31 woman in favor of, as I heard one pastor put it, “women shopping”. We’ve encouraged women to give up purpose and the monetary remuneration that hard work usually brings to become super mamas who dare not draw a breath of their own without engaging in some selfless action on behalf of her family. Turning our women into silent, submissive servants strong enough to put up with, but never quite strong enough to say ‘no’ to husbands or children.
And if a woman dares to insist that she is called to do more than keep house? The church is usually on the front line of those heaping coals of shame and condemnation on her head. All in direct contradiction to Proverbs 31.
For the record, Proverbs 31:17 says that the strong woman. . .
. . .strengthens her arms to the work.
Yet Christians push women in the opposite direction. Why? Why do we encourage women not to work? Why do we work so hard at keeping women poor? Why would we encourage women to ignore a model offered to women in Proverbs 31?
Well, I believe it’s because we’ve embraced an Americanized version of the faith in which women are made to carry the weight of middle-class ambition and the male ego rather than insisting on the freedom that God proffers in Scripture.
And for our part, many of us, like Esau in exchange for a bowl of pottage too quickly finished, have willingly relinquished the tools of freedom in favor of being provided for … because it’s hard. And because we like what it says about our husbands, and our families when we don’t have to work.
Yet I wonder at the wisdom of this?
Walk in Wisdom
In Matthew 10, Jesus instructed us to be wise as serpents, a lesson which today unfortunately, is lost on too many women.
In fact, the concept of wisdom itself seems lost to the time of our grandmothers. Many of us could not even begin to define it. Separate and distinct from knowledge or intelligence, wisdom is a soul-deep understanding about ourselves, about people and situations and the willingness to act in accordance with what we know to be true.
Today, we’ve embraced the idea that any notion that suggests, that women conduct themselves in any particular way is shouted down as slut shaming or victim blaming.
Yet wisdom teaches us that the only actions which we can truly control are our own.
Wisdom will keep you from going upstairs to conduct a business meeting in a hotel room without your agent.
Wisdom will keep you from marrying a man whom your intuition tells you is wrong. And that no, these things will not get better after marriage.
Wisdom will keep you from drinking too much when in unfamiliar surroundings.
Wisdom will teach you that we should expect to be treated as we carry and conduct ourselves.
Wisdom will instruct you that not every man can be trusted. And the fact that he looks like you, or came from a ‘good’ family doesn’t make that less true.
Wisdom will show you that yes, birth control does fail. And that while some things are legal, it is at least morally questionable to shift responsibility for your failure onto anyone, or anything else.
Wisdom will implore you to have money in the bank. To lean not on your husband for food, clothing and shelter, but to “gird yourself with strength” and be able to provide for yourself and your children. To say nothing of preserving your moral freedom.
So yes, it’s important that women speak truth to power, whether that power be found in the office, the home, or in the church. We must strive to change the world around us and to root out injustice, but I also want women to be wise. To be wise about men. About women. About relationships. About power. And to understand the true meaning of God’s proclamation to Eve in Genesis and how it has impacted the lives of women throughout history.
Then we must work to instill that wisdom in our sisters, in our daughters and in our girlfriends, and strengthen ourselves to act with that wisdom.
Embrace Truth and Live in Freedom
Every time Jesus spoke with a woman, He liberated her.
Yet generations of women have been convinced that the sin of Eve makes us complicit in a heritage of sin in which grace alone is insufficient to secure our spiritual legacy. We must also embrace silence, suffering, and sacrifice in a way unique only to women.
We use words like ‘different’, instead of ‘deficient’, to explain why women only do certain things. If a woman says she is called to preach or to teach, we ignore the example of Jesus with the woman at the well or His appearance to Mary after His resurrection, saying “Go tell my disciples…”, and say, “God doesn’t use women in that way”.
While the explanations may vary depending on the preferred language of the time, the outcome does not. A sense of shame and shared female guilt are used to undermine and restrict not just the individual woman, but God’s work through her in the world. But we have a choice. We can sit still as our lives are prescribed and circumscribed for us by the well-meaning and hopefully well-intentioned. Or, we can listen to that still, small voice and find freedom.
So what do I want for women?
Quite simply, I want strong, wise women who embrace the grace that is in Christ to walk in truth and freedom.
